I Am

There is one verse which gives me goosebumps every single time I read it or think about it. It is so powerful to me and sums of everything that is God. Maybe it is just me. This verse gives me a sense of awe and peace at the same moment. It is from the KJV in Exodus 3:14, “And God said unto Moses, I Am That I Am: and he said, Thus Shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I Am hath sent me unto you.”  In this verse, it is the five words “I Am That I Am” that touches my soul so deep.  I Am is so beyond my comprehension, so deep in meaning, but so simple of a statement. 

The God of the universe is beyond my mere human mind. I can’t grasp even a fraction of Him and His all-encompassing power and might. To me, when I think about this, I feel so very small in the universe, but I’m not at the same time. To know and imagine God created everything known and unknown to us, and yet still knows little ole me, puts things in perspective.  My life is but a whisper in the wind in eternity. I’m just a cog in the machine called life, but I’m still so important to Him. He knew me before I was in my mother’s womb. He knows me deeper than anyone else. He knows my weaknesses, my strengths. He knows what I struggle with and how I can thrive. He used this world to shape me into the man I am now and will continue to work my life until it is time for me to leave this world. 

As bad as I can be, He has never given up on me.  He spoke the universe into existence and yet knows my personal life and heart better than I do. Through it all, the pain, the suffering, the joys, and the peace I have and bounce between, He is here with me through each moment.  Sometimes, I don’t listen for Him and even refuse to hear Him.  He doesn’t let go of me.  As much as I sometimes pull away and push Him away, He holds me tight. Sometimes I lose trust in myself and when this happens, I lose trust in Him. He still doesn’t give up on me.  When I stop to ponder this in the loneliest of times in life, I am greatly amazed He, the Author of all, cares for me and my eternity. 

When I’m at my best, I at times forget He was there helping me and I take all the credit. When I’m at my worse is when I cry out to Him in the deepest parts of my heart and soul. I don’t feel worthy. Logically, I know thinking this way is a farce, but it still happens. It is in these deepest darkest times that God is holding me the most.  I love Him so much.  If I didn’t have Him in my life, I don’t know what I would do.  He sustains me. He lifts me up.  He brings those into my life that make a positive difference. My wife, my kids, and friends support me through God’s divine plan for me.  He gives me hope when I’m hopeless. He pulls me back onto the ledge when I’m hanging on by my fingertips. His amazing ways of Himself and using others, keep me going each day.

I fail a lot too. I mess up so much, but He is God and in His infinite love, He gave me mercy and grace through His Son.  Amazing. Unfathomable to me.  I don’t think I deserve His mercy and grace, but He does because I’m important to Him.  I can’t take a breath without His grace to keep me alive.  I let myself down a lot and feel I let Him down too.  He still loves me though and has never wavered in this.  When my heart is in the right place, but the rest of me isn’t, I can only be thankful for Him caring about me regardless of my shortcomings and failings.  He takes me back each time, never turning His back on me, never. I’m the one who turns my back and when I come back around, He is still there, never changing but always welcoming me. 

In 1^st John, the Bible tells us we can’t live in both the light and darkness at the same time. There is no grey area, no in between.  I can admit I am pulled by both. When I walk into darkness, I’m only to blame.  I don’t like it and I come back to God. And the cycle repeats.  I hate this about myself.  He still loves me though.  I can’t thank Him enough for giving me the strength to recognize the errs of my ways and the strength to come back to Him.  He won’t let me leave Him and I’m in awe of this because the Creator of everything is looking out for me and desiring me to be with Him in the light. God is the light I want in my life. He is my Father. My Good Father. He is I Am.  He still wants me with Him.

In the darkest moments in my life is when He manifests Himself the most to me.  No matter how ever changing my life is. No matter how chaotic things become. No matter how dark my sadness goes, God is never changing and I can hold on to this truth.  I am who I am, and God loves me for me being me.  Only God can lead me to Him. Only He can be the calm in my storms.  He is the foundation I can count on when nothing else seems right or stable.  He is real and He is good. 

Some of you out there feel or have felt the same way I do. For those of us who struggle (which should be all in one way or another), we have our Savior. He died for us.  He was the sacrifice for our sins, our shortcomings that separated us from Him. While in this world, we will struggle and we will never be perfect, even if we pretend to be so.  Be yourself, because God created each one of us. He doesn’t want us to pretend to be something we aren’t.  He wants us only to draw near to Him. Do this and the rest will fall into place. 

God bless you all.